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Hilarious “Will There Be Free Appetizers?” Interview with Don Ake

What is different about being a humor writer in Northeast Ohio?

I am a middle-age guy in the Midwest writing about common subjects from my odd perspective.  My essays reflect Midwest values to which people living here can easily relate to.  There is one titled “The Chicago Cubs Suck” about how I felt right after the Indians lost the World Series. All Cleveland sports fans can relate to that one. There is another about having to walk my dog in sub-zero temperatures. While the book is not about Northeast Ohio, most of the stories happen here and there are numerous local references.

Some of your topics appear fairly mundane, how do they become funny?

I have the ability to find the humor in simple, everyday things. Many people compared my first book to the television show Seinfeld.  The first essay in the book is about rice cakes.  It’s like almost 900 words on just rice cakes. But people love that one, because it’s funny and if you have ever failed at a diet, you know how it feels.

How is this book different from your first one, “Just Make Me A Sammich”?

It is smoother and more consistent. My writing style has evolved over time so what you get is a more cohesive read from beginning to end.  I worked closely with my editor to smooth out the rough edges and make this one more digestible to a wider audience.

Why the change?

As my writing has changed, so has my audience.  My blog probably has more female readers than male readers now.  Also, my readers are very diverse.  I can’t believe how many enjoy my writing.  And I have a world wide audience.

How do you write humor that is not always politically correct to a diverse audience in 2018?

I’m not really sure how I do it. It goes back to those Midwest values. I don’t make fun of people for who they are, only what they do. I am writing from the perspective of a middle-age guy, so not everyone is going to get my humor. And that’s okay, lots of people do, and it’s great that a wide range of people find my stuff hilarious.

Where did the title come from?

From a story about a meeting that advertised free appetizers but didn’t have any and how upset I got because of this. Everyone loves free food, so they can relate.  The quest for my desire of free appetizers is a running theme throughout the book.

You have written two, funny, off-beat books. Not an easy process. What motivates you?

I write to make people laugh and brighten their day. Often people will tell me that they had a tough day at work and they come home and read my stuff and feel so much better.  The best compliment I get is from people who tell me they very rarely laugh out loud, but they did when they read my book.

Being funny comes naturally to me. That’s why I can find humor in almost any appropriate subject.  Writing well enough to do a book and the editing process, that’s what is difficult.

How do get readers to literally laugh out loud at your writing?

I don’t tell jokes. I am like an artist who makes you paint funny pictures in your head. While you are painting you can’t see the final product. When you do, you can’t help but laugh.  Because you have painted the picture, you find it funnier. So instead of my humor going from the outside in, lots of times it comes from the inside out.

How do you want someone to feel when they finish your book?

I want them to have a smile on their face and remember all the times they cracked up reading it.

Which essay is your favorite in Will There Be Free Appetizers?

It was easy for me to answer this question for book one, but I can’t choose a favorite in book two. There were numerous times I had to stop while editing because I was laughing out loud at my own writing. There is an essay that tells what my life would be like if every email in my spam folder was legitimate. Like if you really were going to inherit a million dollars from a lost uncle, and a young, beautiful Russian heiress really wanted to marry you.  That one probably cracks me up the most.

There is also the story of meeting my old flame after 40 years at the high school reunion.  This was the most personal and deep writing I have ever done. But it is still funny and very familiar to a lot of people.

Who will enjoy this book the most?

Middle-aged guys will laugh the most.  A lot of guys haven’t read a book in years, but my book is very easy to read because it’s all short essays that you can read one at a time.  It is a great “bathroom” or beach book. As I mentioned before, women enjoy my writing because I’m open and honest about guy stuff.  There is a chapter in the book titled “Guys Do Stupid Stuff” which is very popular with women.  But the book will be entertaining to most people older than 30.

Why should someone read this book?

This world is so stressful and we just don’t laugh enough. You need to find laughter, or some amusement in something every day.  It’s important for your mental physical health. That’s why I do what I do, and the book provides this to a bigger audience. You will relate, you will be amused and you will laugh.

Your day job is working as an economist-analyst in the trucking industry. How does that have anything to do with humor writing?

It is an odd combination, but I can work with numbers as well as words. Seeing the humor in everything just comes naturally to me. There is even a chapter in the first books with funny essays on economics.

Where can I buy your book?

You can get a personalized signed copy for a total price $13.50 (shipping included) at donake.net. It is also available on Amazon and other Internet retailers. There is also a Kindle version.

Find out more about Don Ake at https://www.facebook.com/donakeauthor/ or Twitter @theakeman
 

 

 

Support for People Caring for Aging Parents

Home Care Provides Peace of Mind

Caring for an aging parent is a major source of stress for caregivers. Trying to manage your loved one’s health, and home, while juggling a career and raising your own family, can be overwhelming. Your health, and your relationships with your spouse and other family members, can suffer. But what are your options?

For many in this situation, the solution is home care. At BAYADA Home Health Care, our nurses, aides, and therapists enable people to remain safely in their homes with comfort, independence, and dignity – and provide families with peace of mind.

Why home health care?

The clinicians come directly to your loved one’s home. Patients heal more quickly at home than in the hospital, since they are able to remain in familiar surroundings. And home care can provide you with peace of mind, knowing that all of the details are being handled for you and your loved ones are being cared for where they want to be.

How do I know what home care services are needed?

For seniors who are relatively healthy but need help to remain safely at home, services from a therapist can help your loved one with stairs, bathing or increasing or maintaining independence with daily tasks. Others may require skilled services from a nurse or therapist. Some companies, like BAYADA, provide specialized services to keep those with Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, and other illnesses safe in their homes.

How can I know that the caregivers are high quality and trustworthy?

You should consider only those home care providers whose caregivers are employees of the company – not part of a registry. Reputable companies have stringent hiring standards, including checking references, criminal background, and work experience. BAYADA hires only those who provide care with compassion, excellence, and reliability – our core values.

Make sure the provider is accredited.

BAYADA is accredited by the Community Health Accreditation Partner, a leader in home care accreditation.

BAYADA Home health care has been in business for over 40 years, however is new to Ohio with an office located at 2497 State Rd. Cuyahoga Falls, OH 44223.

For more information about how BAYADA can help you and your loved ones find peace of mind, call 330-929-5512.

Help Kids to Stay Focused in Spring

It isn’t just a “young man” whose fancy turns to love in spring. Kids also “reawaken” with the first bloom of the crocus through the snow in Ohio. Trying to keep kids attention focused on their studies becomes a bit more difficult for parents when warmer temperatures have kids panting to be outdoors or engaged in spring activities. Parents can help kids to stay focused in spring by ensuring there is balance between their kids’ natural exuberance and ability to focus on their studies.

Tips to Help Parents Cope with Kids’ “Spring Fever”

One way for parents to help kids bathe gently in spring fever is to provide a connection between changing temperatures, increasing sunlight due to Daylight Saving Time and their studies.

For example, there are many ways to use “spring fever” to keep them focused on science and math by encouraging kids to align their studies to changes taking place all around them in spring. In fact, parents can encourage their kids to use these changes to advantage in science, math and literary projects, such as reports, special projects and presentations.

Align Kids’ Ages with Focus on Studies

Educators all know that to expand the minds of children, it is necessary to gear their studies to age levels. Parents can do this at home in a vibrant Ohio spring by exposing their children to various poets, artists and authors who’s work is influenced by Spring.

In the sciences, develop kids’ focus by helping them to learn more about the particular subjects they are learning. For example, if the course of study is algebra, help kids to learn about the history of the subject, the significance of algebra in today’s hi tech world and how they can better understand the subject. Parents can also create a science project at home for their kids by helping them advance their knowledge of plant or insect growth in various forms.

Keeping Ohio Kids Focused on their Education

One thing parents can do to keep their kids focused on their educations is to provide examples of the lack of education and the causes and effects of having limited knowledge. Parents should always encourage a “thirst” for knowledge in their kids. This should include a step in the path of kids’ education toward technology. Help kids to develop an intense curiosity of technology and technological logic that will be of immense benefit to their futures.

In addition, consider clear rules that respect their desire to get outside more but also makes clear the need to keep up academics. Some kids will not need extra attention but even some of the best students will feel a little more restless and need attention from parents to keep on track. Enjoy the weather.

Getting Your Home Ready To Sell

If you are thinking about selling your home and are wondering when it’s the best time to do so, it depends on where you live in the country.  There are specific times of the year to put your home in the market if you want to have good results.

An article by Zillow puts the month of May as the best time to put your home in the market.  But, other articles, put April as the best time for the Northeast part of the country to list the home. Regardless of what research tells you, you will list your home when you are ready and are comfortable dealing with everything that comes from putting a home for sale.

If you are thinking about selling a home and are wondering about the best home improvements or steps to take to get the best price, here is a list:

  1. Staging – Believe it or not, this is an industry that has many companies making a great living out of staging homes to sell.  A realtor can also give you great advice about your home if you want to go that route, and they can give you some advice about what you need to do to make it a better sell.
  2. Home improvements that you can do yourself are the best way to get the best return on your investment.  Painting the rooms of your house yourself can save a few hundred dollars that can be recouped when the sale is closed. Decluttering the home can be a great selling point that you and your family can do by yourselves.
  3. Fixing up your kitchen or the bathroom of the home can be expensive, but remember you do not have to replace everything to make it look nice. Painting the walls of the bathroom or kitchen can make your rooms look new, without going to the extra expense. If you can replace old appliances, and a new faucet in the bathroom, go ahead, those are expenses that you can recoup at the end of the sale.
  4. Curb Appeal – Dead plants, overgrown bushes, and branches falling are some of the curb appeals prospective homeowners do not want to see.  A nice spring garden can be a very welcoming sight for many people.  Clean up all dead leaves and branches from the year before to make sure the flower beds are nice and clean.
  5. Basement Waterproofing – even if you have a beautiful kitchen, painted bathroom with new faucets and a spotless yard when prospective homeowners go to check the basement and find water, the deal can be off right then and there.  Basement waterproofing is not very attractive for many homeowners, and the expense can be too much for them. But, if you are considering putting the home for sale, waterproofing the basement of your home can be the difference between selling the home or not.  Water running through the basement will send potential buyers running for the door.

 

Flooring For Every Room In Your House

Many people make New  Year resolutions to begin the year with a bang.  Many of us do not stick to them, and some of us make resolutions that are bound to fail from day one. If you made a resolution this year to spruce your home and declutter, that’s a resolution that makes sense and that you might be able to accomplish.  If you are replacing the flooring of a room in your house and don’t know where to begin, read ahead.

Depending on the room in your home, flooring can be an easy decision to make but also it can present itself with questions about what it’s best for your family.   

Kitchen and bathrooms: These wet areas require flooring that is sturdy, and won’t be damaged by water spills.  Some flooring can become slippery when wet and can be very dangerous for your family.  The best flooring for these type of rooms are:

  1. Vinyl
  2. Laminate
  3. Tile

Keep in mind that there is some specific laminate flooring you can use in these rooms.  Normal laminate flooring can become very slippery and warps rather easily with small amounts of water on it.  You need to find the laminate flooring that can withstand water or other types of liquid spills without damaging it.

Living Room, Dining Room, and First Floor Rooms: These high traffic area rooms need a more sturdy, high-quality flooring that will not only be durable for your home but can make your home look beautiful as well. These are some of the types of flooring that are most commonly used for these rooms in your home:

  1. Hardwood
  2. Bamboo
  3. Laminate
  4. Vinyl
  5. Carpet

For many environmentally conscious homeowners, hardwood does not seem like a very likable option.  Many of these homeowners have chosen to opt for the more environmentally friendly bamboo flooring. If you are thinking about vinyl flooring for some of these rooms – especially for dining rooms, kitchens, bathrooms and the main entrance of the home- vinyl has come a long way from the one sheet vinyl flooring our parents and grandparents grew up with.  The look of vinyl is not what it used to be, so choosing it over other types of flooring is not outdated.

Carpet for the bedrooms of the home has been the main choice for many homeowners though out the years, but if you have children with allergies or other respiratory problems, laminate or bamboo flooring can be a very nice second option for you.

There are many pros and cons you have to consider with every choice of flooring there is. Price, durability, ease of installation, look.  But, remember, buy what you love for your home.

Stop The Mess – Three Ways to De-clutter Your Child’s Bedroom

I will be the first to admit that the holidays can be a seriously messy season. Usually in our household, the mess starts around November and doesn’t stop until the decors are neatly packed and stored in the attic for another year. I’m not talking about regular household mess, but we have those, too. I am pertaining to all the garbage that seem to accumulate within the house during this season – from candy wrappers that are remnants of the kids’ trick or treating to the gift bags and toy boxes that arrive in the house together with my in-laws and other relatives.

Don’t get me wrong, I welcome the gifts and the holiday visits. However, after all our loved ones ride their cars out of our driveway, I am usually the one who has to clean up after the wrappers and tags from gifts. This is by no means an easy task as the children get a substantial number of gifts from their aunts, uncles and grandparents. Over the years, I have learned to form a system when it comes to the mess during the holidays, particularly in my kids’ rooms. As a mother, I felt the need to share some ideas on how to de-clutter rooms to other mothers out there who might need these ideas just as badly as I did years ago. So, to all mothers out there, listen up…

  1. Put up shelves. Since I’m not handy with tools, I asked my husband to do this for me. We had to get those wood planks from our local home improvement store; they have those that are perfect as shelves. You may or may not need to sand them, it depends how rough the planks’ surface are. My kids have a collection of storybooks that they received from my parents and sisters, so we put them all in there. If one of them wants to read one, they need to inform us since the shelves are out of their reach. That pretty much controls at least a quarter of the mess in their room.
  2. Contain them. This is another helpful way to de-clutter your child’s bedroom and it works best with toddlers and preschoolers. At that age, they tend to scatter all their toys around the house and just leave them everywhere when they lose interest. I have found plastic veggies in my shoe once and another one in the bathroom. Basically, what we did was purchase those plastic boxes with lids on them. We placed their toys in boxes and just gave them one box-full of toys to play with. It may not sound that efficient, but we were able to lessen the mess by doing that. That way, they don’t scatter all their toys around the room. I also saved my husband from stepping into LEGO parts and for anyone who has had that misfortune, you know how much that actually hurts.
  3. Donate. This is not an easy thing to do and I understand it. I watched Toy Story movies from 1-3. Believe me, I understand. However, it is a sad reality that kids will outgrow their toys and rather than leave them to gather dust, we donate them. It wasn’t easy at first and you just have to let them understand that other kids with no money for new toys would love to play with their discarded toys. This also goes for clothing. Plus, the feeling of accomplishment you’ll feel when you see your kids saying goodbye to their well-loved toys knowing that they will cheer other children up is priceless.

There you have it, folks. I’m sure some of you have used these methods in the past with varying success. While the task can be quite daunting, I find that it’s really just a matter of reaching out to your children. Talking to them and making them understand how important it is not to make a mess in their rooms is something that parents must not neglect to do. While the above methods have all worked out for me, it will not be possible without my children’s willingness to work with us.

Do you have other ideas on how to de-clutter your child’s room? Share it with us by commenting down below.

How To Keep Germs Away This Flu Season

During a school flu outbreak, it is very likely your child will come home sick and will get the other members of your home sick as well. The Center for Disease Control (CDC) http://www.cdc.gov/flu/pdf/freeresources/updated/everyday_preventive.pdf offers some guidelines to help you deal with a flu outbreak at school or at work, and here are 7 concise easy steps to follow if you are home with a sick child or spouse.

  1. Wash your hands and your children’s hands with soap and water every time you enter your home. Keeping germs away from the outside world is a good tip for anyone dealing with small and school age children.
  2. Change linens and bathroom towels daily when you are sick. Contaminating each other by using the same towels or sharing a pillow will ensure that everyone gets sick, and stay sick for a longer period of time.
  3. Disinfecting kitchen and bathroom counters thorough out the day will ensure that you’ll encounter less germs going forward.
  4. Believe it or not, feeding your children chicken noodle soup will get them through their illness a bit faster
  5. Covering their mouths on their sleeves instead of their hands should decrease the number of germs they spread around the home.
  6. Cleaning door knobs around the home will greatly decrease the germs that get passed around.
  7. A diet full of fruits and vegetables can do a lot of good to your child. The old saying of “An apple a day will keep the doctor away” hasn’t survived this long for no reason.

Whether you are in Akron or anywhere, this is great advice.

For more about flu outbreaks and what to do about them, check the CDC for more information.

New Year, New Look – Four Decorating Ideas For Your Home

The new year is often associated with change – a time to put the negativities of the past and change for the better. People are often inclined to change something in themselves at the start of the year – from something small like getting a new hair color to something substantially larger, like changing careers or planning to get married to their significant other. We have all done it at some point since we believe there should be progress in ourselves or at least there is hope for progress, so why not include the look of our homes in that change as well?

In this article, I will share some decorating ideas that will hopefully spark your creative side. I should say that not all of these ideas are trendy and whatnot, some of them may even be classics in their own, but if you have not applied them in your home, the change can be beautiful. If you have not tried them, I encourage you to do so. If anything, the new look should be an interesting change in your humble abode.

  1. Go green. Plants can instantly change the look of the room. Plus, they take in carbon dioxide and help produce oxygen. I’m sure we have seen those small plants placed in bathrooms. What’s the first thing you notice? I myself have always noticed that the room looks more alive. Most of us don’t have picture perfect bathrooms worthy of being featured in magazines, but we can add color and life just by adding a plant or a terrarium. It’s not just for bathrooms. Terrariums look great on desk tops and since they can be small, they don’t take up much space.
  2. Pick a theme. If you have a bit of extra budget and time, you can pick a theme for some rooms in your home. Do your children love the beach? Why not pick a nautical theme for their room. Decorate it with anchors or a ship’s wheel and pick some starfish-printed curtains for them? Make sure that the room does not get too cluttered with the same stuff. Gold looks wonderful and classy in a living room, but too much gold will make it look overpowering and quite tacky.
  3. Frame it up. I’ve always told my friends that living in the digital age has made it easier for parents to take snap shots of their little ones any time of the day. We all have our favorites and the ones we won’t touch with a 10-foot pole. Get those pictures printed in a bigger size and have them framed. They look especially nice on staircase walls. After some time, you will see how your baby has grown over the years and you can look at the images wistfully.
  4. Lights. It’s no secret that lights and their settings can instantly make a difference in a room and a person’s mood. Sunlight in the morning looks cheerful and happy; dim light looks romantic. There are many affordable chandeliers in the market today and you can even make one of your own if you’re handy with electrical wires. This does not just apply to living rooms and bedrooms. You can even change the lighting in your kitchen if you think your overhead light is too bright. 

Your home is your sanctuary, so it’s crucial for your well-being that it looks like a place you want to be in at the end of a long day. Don’t neglect it and try to make it look pleasing with the resources that you have so that when you come home after a day outside, it will welcome you into the comfort of its arms.

Protect Your Family – Home Dangers

Carbon Monoxide – The silent killer

During the winter months, doors and windows remain closed at all times and the chance of fresh air circling in your home in great quantities is null. Not only is fresh air a problem during the winter months, but the furnace in constant use makes Carbon  Monoxide gas in your home a bit more likely.

A very inexpensive carbon monoxide detector can cost you less than $10 dollars at your local Target, Walmart, Lowe’s or Home Depot store. You can purchase a  battery operated detector or an electric one, but either choice is an inexpensive safety choice that can be a lifesaver for you.

Smoke Detectors

The National Fire Protection Association (NFPA) recommends testing your smoke detectors monthly to make sure they are working properly. They also recommend changing the batteries in your smoke detectors yearly.  Keeping a regular schedule-say every October, or every thanksgiving-to change the batteries in the smoke detectors of your home should make it an easy thing to do every year.

Every ten years, the National Fire Protection Agency recommends changing the smoke detectors in your home.  Every floor in your home should have a smoke detector, including the basement and the attic.  The smoke detectors should be installed in the hallways, and outside and inside the bedrooms. Make sure to place a smoke detector close to the kitchen as well. For more information about fire prevention, check your local Fire department website. For the city of Akron Fire Department website, click here. (http://www.akronohio.gov/cms/akronfiredepartment/index.html)

Poisoning

According to National Council Safety’s website, unintentional poisoning is one of the leading causes of deaths in the adult population in the United States. Gases, households chemicals, lead poisoning and button batteries are some of the dangers lurking in your home that can be fatal for your young kids. Have you childproofed your home lately? Household cleaning products pose a risk to small children if they are not kept safely away from them.  Some of the products that experts recommend you check are laundry packets, paints, drain and toilet cleaners, and all cleaners you use in and around the home and keep in the house or garage.

Medicine kept in the bathroom cabinets are easily available to your child and can be abused. A Scholastic study found that children self-medicate as early as 11 years old. And according to the study, more than 10,000 minors are admitted into hospitals for overdosing on over the counter medications.  Keeping an eye on what you have and making sure you talk to your kids about the dangers of self-medicating can go a long way in preventing an overdose.

Keep your family safe by being proactive.

Tis the Season to Be Stressed

There are a lot of articles written and advice given during the holidays about how to handle stress.  Google “holiday stress” and there’re thousands of pages of information. While the holidays can be a difficult time stressful situations occur throughout the year and it’s important to develop a long term plan for dealing with them.

The best strategies to use while the stressful situation is occurring are ones which can be done anywhere at any time.  They’re simple, immediately applicable and unobtrusive.

The best way to handle stressful times is to find out what works for you, practice it and do it consistently.  People are unique and different things work for different people. There’s no one size fits all strategy.  In some combination use the following ideas to craft an individualized plan.

 

* Breathe – Inhale for a count of 5.  Hold for a count of 5.  Exhale for a count of 5. Hold for a count of 5. Repeat 5 times.

* Physical activity – Do something physical, it’s a great way to relieve tension.  Bathrooms are great places to do toe touches, jumping jacks or run in place.

*Affirmations – Create a few short, positive sentences you can keep repeating to yourself.

* Quiet Time – Take a 10 – 15 minute time out.  You can find quiet places once you start looking for them.

* Gratitude List – Make a mental list of the things you’re grateful for right at that moment.  Don’t complicate it, look for small things.  Gratitude lists don’t have to be full of big life affirming issues, being grateful for a comfortable pair of shoes is good too.

Remember, the idea is to find the right combination of techniques which work for you.  You’re trying to establish a strategy for a lifetime, so be patient and give them a fair trial over a reasonable period of time. If none of them work there’s always the Internet.

 

– – Article contributed by Nicole Abbott – writer, educator and psycho-therapist.