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Grief in Two Parts

Grief is in two parts. The first is experiencing a loss. The second is the remaking of life.  – Anne Roiphe

How I am Dealing With Tragedy

It was Christmas eve and he was five years old. He was dressed in his pajamas; the top was white, and the blue pants had feet to keep his toes warm. He was sitting on the landing of the stairs out of sight, watching his father put together Christmas gifts for him and his three brothers. It was at that time he realized there was no Santa Claus.

He thought to himself, “Who’s going to save me now?”

That’s when the depression started. It was a habit he learned at this very early age.

When things got tough he would go inside and protect himself by wrapping the cloak of depression around him. It was his way of protecting himself from feeling helpless. Here is where he learned what helplessness really was. The depression protected him. He went upstairs and put himself to bed and cried himself to sleep.

That is how I felt when my son died on May 30, 2017 at age 35. I would never wish that upon anyone else.

I found grieving to be a two-step process. You must grieve. You must experience the loss, and it is painful or it will forever define you. Grieving is a trying time filled with sorrow, anger, frustration, depression, embarrassment and sometimes, joy. You might experience all those emotions at the same time, a wild rollercoaster ride to be sure.

After you grieve, and it does take time, there comes a time when you start to rebuild.

Everything I believed in, I questioned. Everything that I held as important is not. I learned I can grieve and rebuild at the same time. It is not easy. However, I am determined to find something positive in this experience, I decided to use this opportunity to share with you what I learned.

Though these are difficult times, I have learned so much. I share some of my learning in the hope of helping others through any difficult times they are experiencing.

I learned I have no control over outcomes. I can influence them, but I cannot control them. The feeling of being in control is an illusion.

I learned the only thing I have any control over is how I choose to think, act and feel.

I learned humility. A lot of things I once held as important are not. Not the books I wrote, the awards I earned, the black belts I hold.

I learned compassion. I would wish no one to experience the pain of losing a loved one.

I learned to forgive. Forgiveness brings me comfort and hope.

I learned gratitude. The friends and family who supported me during these trying times are priceless. You have my gratitude.

I feel grateful for being comfortable with another’s persons’ pain while meeting them where they are.

I learned there is little value in judging another.

I am learning I want to stop judging. I have a long way to go here but I now know I have little to no understanding of why someone does what they do except that they are trying to take care of themselves. Taking care of yourself is a good thing. How it is expressed may not be.

I learned the value of ownership. If I cannot own what happens in my life I cannot change it or choose how I want to respond. It is my life and I want to be inner-directed and not be concerned about what others think. If I march to a different drum than accept me for the dance I chose or leave me alone.

I learned the impact I have on others even when I do not know I am having an impact. Therefore, I want to be thoughtful about what I think, say and do.

I learned I do not want drama in my life and it is my choice to accept it. When drama comes it can be a powerful source of learning.

I learned I am not responsible for how you feel. How you choose to feel is your choice and it has nothing to do with me.

I learned about the deepest pain a person can feel and realize there are always gifts if I am willing to look hard enough.

I learned material things will not change anything. I can be as happy or unhappy as I choose. It is not dependent on material things, though money can sometimes make it easier.

I learned being happy is a choice. Being happy is a decision. Happiness is not being giddy or loud, but a sense of peace and acceptance this too will pass.

I learned the value of having a personal relationship with God. Though I do not yet trust him, God does not test me or bring sorrow. He does comfort me if I let him.

I learned people really want to help during times of personal tragedy, but they don’t know how.

I learned I am responsible for all that happens to me and how I choose to react.

I learned how much I miss my son.

I learned how much I value my daughter

I learned a deeper love a grandfather can have for his grandson.

I learned to value my wife more than ever.

I learned I have friends I never really treated as friends.

I learned that I must forgive myself.

I learned I must forgive God.

I learned I don’t remember what I learned most of the time and that’s ok. The universe will keep sending me the same lesson in different forms until I learn it.

With that said, I learned I really don’t know much!

Ron Finklestein 330-990-0788 / ron@akris.net
Copyright 2018 – all rights reserved

Be patient with people who experienced a tragedy. The simplest act can bring tears. Do not judge, do not assume, ask. Give us time to heal. We all heal at our own pace.

 

Children’s Gifts-What Are you Doing with Them?

Children’s birthdays, Christmas, or any other holiday where they received cash for the occasion, is a very nice day for older children if they know a bit about the value of money. For little children, it’s just funny to look at their faces when they open an envelope and out comes a $20 dollar bill or a check. They push it aside and continue with the box that actually has a toy of some sort.

So, what are you doing with that $20 dollar bill or check? They got it for-let’s say their birthday— but what are you actually doing with it?

You know, and they know they actually don’t need more gifts.  They probably have their rooms full of all sorts of toys that haven’t  been touched in months, and they probably have more video games than GameStop.

Then , what do you do with their money? Does the money then goes into your checking or savings account? Are you keeping track of how much money you have put into your personal account over the years? Are you planning on reimbursing them later on? With interest?

It is so easy, isn’t it, to forget that the money is actually theirs? After the party and the cleaning, the stress or anxiety level drops and we forget little things that need to be taken care right away.  A lot of people forget.

When our daughters were babies and were receiving a $20 dollar bill from grandpa and grandma, we did not open a savings account for them right away.  We never slept a whole night for four months with our first daughter, can you imagine us thinking about investing their gift money then?

We opened a savings account for our daughters a while back with the money they received at Christmas and birthdays from family members – Yes, we did reimbursed them—  The interest those savings accounts were earning was pitiful. We took the cash out and opened an account at an online investment company. We don’t regret it.  We stuck with safe stock options, haven’t sold them, haven’t traded them — it’s $6.95 per trade — and we do not panic when their price goes down.  We are in for the long run with their investment, and hopefully you will start investing their birthday money too.  When they’re 18 and want to have control of their money, then it’s your choice if you want to be an advisor or let them have full control of their investment.

Little by little, those gifts can amount to something. If you have a financial advisor, ask for advice.  This is only for you to start thinking about taking small steps with money that they probably don’t need right now.  Think small first, when they’re older and see what you have done with their money they’ll thank you.

Happy Investing!

Addiction and Recognizing the Signs

How to Spot Addiction

This article is not written by a doctor.  If you have doubts about someone having an addition problem, call a specialist right away.  This article is for general information anyone should know to keep in mind when they see problems and changes in people around them.

Because an addiction can negatively affect someone’s entire life, and other people around them, it is very important that their loved ones know exactly how to spot addiction. Also, because not all addictions are the same, family and friends should also understand what an individual may be addicted to. Having said that, here are a few of the most common types of addictions that many people are dealing with today.

Substance Abuse Addictions

• Alcohol
• Opiods
• Cocaine
• Marijuana
• Hallucinogens
• Tobacco
• Prescription Drugs (like tranquilizers, sleeping pills, sedatives)

Behavior Addictions

• Sex
• Food
• Using the Internet / Social Media
• Porn
• Gaming
• Shopping
• Cutting

 

All of these can have different negative effects on that person’s life. In some cases, the addiction takes over their life, and can even be fatal in the end. Particularly, when the individual is dealing with some form of substance abuse addiction. Everyone should want to know the signs to recognize a person with addictions. Read further to see the different types, the changes in behavior and how to get help.

1. Changes in Appearance

When an individual is dealing with an alcohol or a drug abuse addiction, there are some common problems that they can begin to experience. For instance, the individual may begin to lose excessive amounts of weight at a time, and people around them may discover that there are strange smells on their breath and their clothing.

2. Loses their Appetite and Lack of Sleep

In some cases, people may begin to experience a loss of appetite and they do not want to sleep. The changes that people can see on the surface are lacks of interest in both eating and sleeping.

3. Personal Grooming Goes to the Wayside

Another easy to see sign of a substance abuse individual is a lack of interest in their overall appearance. Also, they may lose interest in personal grooming activities like showering, washing one’s clothing items and even brushing their own teeth. At this stage of substance abuse, it is not uncommon for loved ones to notice these visible changes and begin to make plans to intervene.

4. Begins to Forget Things

During an individual’s bout of dealing with substance abuse, they may also begin to lose track of information and forget things altogether. At this stage, intervention is even more important as it shows a serious degeneration of their lives and a lack of ability to function.

5. Begins to Withdraw from Others

When the individual has been under influence of these drugs, they may also begin to withdraw from others and stop going to social gatherings. This will only get worse if the addition is not addressed promptly.

Getting help is the first step to recovery. Fortunately, there are many different ways to address these issues and they include intervention, personal one on one help with a trained professional in the psychological, health and medical field.  The place to start is to call an addiction center or service.  There are free and paid options in most places and you can simply do a Google search for addiction services and your city name to find a variety of options.

 

The Connection Between Health and Sleep

Research has for many years associated the lack of sleep to poor performance at work, school, and people’s health. Now, the correlation between some illnesses and lack of sleep has been more troubling for some people, considering the fact that many Americans are sleeping less than ever before.

School age children need a minimum of 9 hours of sleep per night, and with the increasing extra curricular activities, homework, and computer games  they are involved in, they are not getting enough sleep.

Women’s number one sleep problem is insomnia. Juggling work, home and children, one has to wonder if they ever get 8 hours of sleep per night. Sleep deprivation and low levels of melatonin have been associated with an increase risk of developing type 2 diabetes. Melatonin, a natural hormone made by our bodies is inactive during the day, but it’s active when the sun goes down.

So, how many hours of sleep do you really need to get? Here is the recommended sleep list by the National Sleep foundation.

1.Adults 65 and over, 7-8 hours

2. Adults 24-64 years old,  7-9 hours

3.Young Adults, 18-25 years old, 7-9 hours

4. Teenagers 14-17 years old, 8-10 hours

5. School Age Children 6-13 years old, 9-11 hours

6.Preschool children 3-5 years old, 10-13 hours

7. Toddlers 1-2 years old,11-14 hours

8. Infants 4-11 months old,  12-15 hours

9. Newborns 0-3 months old, 14-17 hours

Middle schoolers and high schoolers across the country get up very early to get to school on time.  The chances they are not getting enough sleep are pretty likely.  Avoiding caffeinated drinks and sugar rich beverages late in the afternoon should be avoided.  Turn off the TV, and video games console; they will complain, but their sleep is more important. At this age in their lives, sleep is not priority number one, or two , or three.  It is your responsibility to at least turn off their devices, and tell them to go to sleep.

Literacy in the United States

The National Center for Education Statistics (NCES), a division of the U.S. Department of Education states that children that are read by a parent or guardian develop stronger reading skills than those whose parents do not read to them.  The advantages these children develop over the course of their lives are significant.

The children that are engaged by their parents in any literacy activity, are better prepared when they enter kindergarten, and are able to cope with the academic rigors that have become standard in the United States.

Many of the literacy activities are easily done by a parent, guardian, or older sibling.  Reading or telling stories, teaching letters and words, and recognizing numbers are some of the most  basic activities that these children can be engaged  in to become proficient readers.

Some studies suggest that the literacy rate in the United States hasn’t changed in the last ten years, while other studies have shown that among the 20 “high Income” countries, the United States ranks 12th. 

Literacy in the United States is a serious problem that is easily overlooked during these uncertain times. In this country, there are 44 million adults unable to read a simple book or story to their children, and  60% of households in the United States do not or cannot buy a single book in a year. With these grim statistics, literacy in this country have to begin at home regardless.

Children of families that lack the means necessary to foster a love for reading or books, should not be an excuse to let these children fall thru the crack of  an educational system that is failing them.  By helping these families find other means to help their children to read, we can do a lot of good for our society as a whole.

Libraries across the country, offer programs that help introduce children to story time sessions and by doing so, helping them get involved in books. By the time these five year olds go to kindergarten, an emphasis should be put in reading to them and with them.

The statistics of school youth unable to read the most basic books and still graduating from high school are appalling. We need to expect more from them, and as a society, we need to help them achieve the most basic of skills of all. Reading is obviously not for everyone.

Which Food to Shop For a Healthy Liver

Still trying to get healthy for the New Year?  Today we focus on the second largest organ in your body – the liver. Considering that your liver has to work overtime filtering chemicals from the blood, you shouldn’t take this particular organ for granted. Like everything else in your body, the key to ensuring that your liver stays healthy is eating healthy and not indulging in substance abuse. As a part of the whole digestive process, everything that you consume, whether it may be food, drink or medicine, goes through your liver. This means that when you put too much harmful stuff into your system, your liver will have to filter those through and prevent those from coming into your bloodstream. Do note that while the food listed below will help in ensuring that this vital organ remains healthy, everything will be useless if you make your liver work overtime when you consume harmful substances for your body. With that in mind, let’s begin our list of food for a healthier liver.

  1. Turmeric. The Global Healing Center has named turmeric as the “liver’s favorite spice”. Turmeric helps the body process fats and will encourage bile production. Adding turmeric into your diet will help your liver detoxify by getting rid of carcinogens.
  2. Green leafy veggies. Remember when your mom would force you to eat your green veggies and you grudgingly obey? Well, as it turns out, that simple act done regularly will help you avoid issues with your liver later on in life. It’s even better if you consume organic products. Why so? Well, as previously mentioned, you liver filters everything you put in your mouth, including some possible leftover pesticides that may have been left there from non-organic veggies. Leafy vegetables have a neutralizing ability, which will help your liver when it encounters metals, chemicals and pesticides that you have consumed through food.
  3. Cruciferous vegetables. You can almost never go wrong with veggies. Brussels sprouts, broccoli and cauliflower belong to this category. Cruciferous vegetables are rich in compounds called glucosinolate, which helps the liver get rid of toxins you have ingested into your system.
  4. Grapefruit. This is not the first time that eating vitamin C rich food has proven to help your body. Grapefruit contains vitamin C and glutathione, which has been found to be helpful in aiding the liver do its job of filtering harmful toxins in the body.
  5. Walnuts. Fond of munching on these? Like grapefruit, walnuts are rich in glutathione, which as mentioned above, will help your liver do its job. Plus, walnuts also contain Omega-3 fatty acids, so consuming it will not only ensure your liver’s health, but also that of your heart.

With the many unhealthy food and substances we tend to consume daily with our diet, you can imagine how much a football-size organ has to do in order to filter those from our bloodstream. Remember, eating food such as the ones mentioned above in a regular basis is only a part of the whole process in ensuring that your liver remains healthy. With proper diet and avoidance of harmful substances as much as we can, there is no reason why we cannot save ourselves the trouble of dealing with liver disease in the future.

Kids Art In and Around Akron Ohio

The educational system in the United states has for many years now shifted resources to teach and test children in common core areas like reading,writing and math, while leaving art and music education behind.  And while many people do not appreciated the impact music and art education have in a child, these teachings constitute some of the most important building blocks in their development. From motor skills, decision making, and language development to visual learning, and cultural awareness, art and music education provide the child with the tools necessary to succeed in life. That said, this is a list of art instructions facilities in and around Akron that can be of interest to you and your family.

Canton Museum of Art

Address: 1001 Market Avenue North Canton, Ohio 44702

Tel: 330.453.7666

Website: http://www.cantonart.org/

The Canton Museum of Art offers classes weekdays and weekends throughout the day and evening to fit your busy schedule.  They offer classes geared to all ages, and all budgets. They offer classes in drawing, jewelry,painting and textiles.  If you are planning ahead and want to enroll your child in a summer art camp, then the Canton Museum of Art is a very good choice for you.

Palladian Palette

Address: 106 N Main St, Akron, OH 44308

Phone:(330) 730-0334

Website: http://www.palladianpalette.com/open-studio-membership.html

A beautiful place where memberships can be tailored to the  individual or families, and walk-Ins are welcome. A place where five days a week offers you a 2-3 hours of painting, clay, wood working, or stamping experience with a local artist.  Do you have questions or want to visit their site to learn more? Then follow the link above.

Akron Art Museum

address: One South High, Akron, Ohio 44308

Tel: 330.376.9185

website: https://akronartmuseum.org/calendar/list/demos-workshops-classes/10/

Cuyahoga Valley Art Center

Address: 2131 Front Street, Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio 44221

Tel: (330) 928-8092

website: http://www.cvartcenter.org/classdescriptions.html

The Cuyahoga Valley Art Center is a wonderful place for adults to learn a variety of art expressions. From  acrylic, mixed media, collage journaling, drawing, ceramics and painting, the center truly offers a wide range of art instruction.  They seem to geared more to the adult population, although they do say they can accept responsible 12 year olds, and do have classes for 13-18 years old. But, if you are looking for a younger child art instruction class, this may not be the place for you.

All fired Up

Address:  30 Rothrock Loop, Copley, OH 44231

Tel: 330-865-5858

website: http://www.allfiredupakron.com/  contact: allfiredupakron@gmail.com

All Fired Up is  creative studio located in the Akron/Montrose/Fairlawn area.They have called this area their home for the last 15 years, and they offer classes for all ages and all skills levels. When considering classes for your young ones, this is a bit of information you appreciate when researching art classes and studios in the area.They offer painting, pottery, glass fusing and canvas painting classes for you and your children to explore.

Art in Action

http://artinaction.org/#pricing

Art online? You bet!  If you don’t have the time to take your child to an art class outside the home? No problem. Art in Action provides an online curriculum with a nine level program, and  age appropriate lessons for your child.  From Kindergartner to 8th. Grade, this place is sure to provide some alternatives for you and your child.

 

We sincerely hope you have found the art place you’ve looking for, and to email us if you would like to be included.

What is Probate and why should you care?

Many people do not know about probate until a person has died. When a person dies, their will and other legal assets have to go through the probate process. This is often done by a probate lawyer because the process can become very complicated. When family members are involved it can create tension so having a neutral third party can help the process along.

Akron families can protect themselves with planning and finding an Akron probate lawyer.

When a person dies they leave behind debts, tax bills, property, and other assets. All of this is called a person’s estate. When a person dies with a will in place, by law the estate needs to be administered. This is done by a person called an executor. The executor will read the will and notify the beneficiaries that the process has begun.

Many people do not understand that even if they die with a paid off home and cars that their debts still need to be resolved. This is why most probate lawyers ask people to give a specific percentage of their estate’s value to each beneficiary. This way it does not become too confusing to administer after the debts are paid off.

This process can be lengthy because creditors need to be notified of the deceased person’s death. Some creditors will even ask for a death certificate as proof that the person has in fact passed away. If the person has a life insurance policy then that needs to be administered either by the insurance company itself or the executor. Some people decide to leave their life insurance proceeds to one person or to their estate so that it is divided equally among the beneficiaries.

The first thing that needs to be done is to submit the will to the court in the state where the will was filed. A petition will need to be filed with the court that states the deceased person’s full name, if there is a will, and when the death occurred. Then, the court will review the information, appoint the executor of the estate, and see if a bond needs to be given to the estate. After this process is completed, people who are related to the deceased, those individuals named in the will, and creditors will be notified by mail that the court has received the will and that the estate is now being dealt with.

After this, the probate process begins; it can take more than a year to get a will through this process. It depends on how well the parties that are involved deal with each other. If someone challenges the will then it can take years to close the probate process. When dealing with the probate process it is a good idea to consult a probate lawyer. They can help guide people through the process to make it easier and much less stressful.

Stop The Mess – Three Ways to De-clutter Your Child’s Bedroom

I will be the first to admit that the holidays can be a seriously messy season. Usually in our household, the mess starts around November and doesn’t stop until the decors are neatly packed and stored in the attic for another year. I’m not talking about regular household mess, but we have those, too. I am pertaining to all the garbage that seem to accumulate within the house during this season – from candy wrappers that are remnants of the kids’ trick or treating to the gift bags and toy boxes that arrive in the house together with my in-laws and other relatives.

Don’t get me wrong, I welcome the gifts and the holiday visits. However, after all our loved ones ride their cars out of our driveway, I am usually the one who has to clean up after the wrappers and tags from gifts. This is by no means an easy task as the children get a substantial number of gifts from their aunts, uncles and grandparents. Over the years, I have learned to form a system when it comes to the mess during the holidays, particularly in my kids’ rooms. As a mother, I felt the need to share some ideas on how to de-clutter rooms to other mothers out there who might need these ideas just as badly as I did years ago. So, to all mothers out there, listen up…

  1. Put up shelves. Since I’m not handy with tools, I asked my husband to do this for me. We had to get those wood planks from our local home improvement store; they have those that are perfect as shelves. You may or may not need to sand them, it depends how rough the planks’ surface are. My kids have a collection of storybooks that they received from my parents and sisters, so we put them all in there. If one of them wants to read one, they need to inform us since the shelves are out of their reach. That pretty much controls at least a quarter of the mess in their room.
  2. Contain them. This is another helpful way to de-clutter your child’s bedroom and it works best with toddlers and preschoolers. At that age, they tend to scatter all their toys around the house and just leave them everywhere when they lose interest. I have found plastic veggies in my shoe once and another one in the bathroom. Basically, what we did was purchase those plastic boxes with lids on them. We placed their toys in boxes and just gave them one box-full of toys to play with. It may not sound that efficient, but we were able to lessen the mess by doing that. That way, they don’t scatter all their toys around the room. I also saved my husband from stepping into LEGO parts and for anyone who has had that misfortune, you know how much that actually hurts.
  3. Donate. This is not an easy thing to do and I understand it. I watched Toy Story movies from 1-3. Believe me, I understand. However, it is a sad reality that kids will outgrow their toys and rather than leave them to gather dust, we donate them. It wasn’t easy at first and you just have to let them understand that other kids with no money for new toys would love to play with their discarded toys. This also goes for clothing. Plus, the feeling of accomplishment you’ll feel when you see your kids saying goodbye to their well-loved toys knowing that they will cheer other children up is priceless.

There you have it, folks. I’m sure some of you have used these methods in the past with varying success. While the task can be quite daunting, I find that it’s really just a matter of reaching out to your children. Talking to them and making them understand how important it is not to make a mess in their rooms is something that parents must not neglect to do. While the above methods have all worked out for me, it will not be possible without my children’s willingness to work with us.

Do you have other ideas on how to de-clutter your child’s room? Share it with us by commenting down below.

How To Keep Germs Away This Flu Season

During a school flu outbreak, it is very likely your child will come home sick and will get the other members of your home sick as well. The Center for Disease Control (CDC) http://www.cdc.gov/flu/pdf/freeresources/updated/everyday_preventive.pdf offers some guidelines to help you deal with a flu outbreak at school or at work, and here are 7 concise easy steps to follow if you are home with a sick child or spouse.

  1. Wash your hands and your children’s hands with soap and water every time you enter your home. Keeping germs away from the outside world is a good tip for anyone dealing with small and school age children.
  2. Change linens and bathroom towels daily when you are sick. Contaminating each other by using the same towels or sharing a pillow will ensure that everyone gets sick, and stay sick for a longer period of time.
  3. Disinfecting kitchen and bathroom counters thorough out the day will ensure that you’ll encounter less germs going forward.
  4. Believe it or not, feeding your children chicken noodle soup will get them through their illness a bit faster
  5. Covering their mouths on their sleeves instead of their hands should decrease the number of germs they spread around the home.
  6. Cleaning door knobs around the home will greatly decrease the germs that get passed around.
  7. A diet full of fruits and vegetables can do a lot of good to your child. The old saying of “An apple a day will keep the doctor away” hasn’t survived this long for no reason.

Whether you are in Akron or anywhere, this is great advice.

For more about flu outbreaks and what to do about them, check the CDC for more information.